2019 is already enough
Happy new year ! It seems that there are mysterious fates for me. despite of, still the beginning of new year just now....
Well, it is not good to start with bad news, so let's talk about good news at first. I remember, I was so busy about this time last year, because of laboratory, domestic problems, and a lot of sad affair... on the other hand, I could greet new year without any unfinished business which deadline is near. In that sense, I guess this year will be good one than the last.
Moreover, I started several new hobby from New year's day. As I had lots of opportunities for communication with foreigners, I noticed that I am inexperienced in speaking conversation with foreigners. (actually perhaps 10 or less times than 10, if not counting some brief talk)
for such reason, I decided I use English positively in any social game, as long as available from language settings. It was so big change for me that I couldn't play some game even normally at the moment just after, but unexpectedly I got used faster than I had expected, and I became able to feel normal English, which is never able to learn in ordinary class, casual, but understandable things. It has gone well, so I thought I may continue it, during 2019. Now I play "Brawl Stars" so feel free to call me in that game, if you want ( I dare say I wanna escape from working whenever you call, and even better if you are not Japanese )
Good news is enough, but please listen my bad news for relieving myself pain. In fact, My relative and my direct grandfather passed away despite of only 4 days. about my relative, he died in New Years Day, so we held his funeral and my mother let me go back Fukuoka for working in University, but what if my grandfather unfortunately went next to him at the same time I arrived, I thought at the moment.
Anyway, since I can't be here despite of grandfather's death, I came to have to go back again tomorrow. Of course here lots of my matters of concern, my art tournament and modding in osu!, working in my laboratory, needless to say secondary funeral, etc. Moreover, considering my close relative seems to be very sick and struggle to dangerous illness as far as I had heard, I was at a loss for even a response whoever says cursed year to me.
But in such mood, I always think what my grandfather had said in his life, that they are only just inevitable, and griefs which surely come here someday. My grandfather is not an alien, not invulnerable, not immortal, and then why we should worry about such inevitable things coming. I was scolded for his fun many times. It was... mysterious. Even thinking objectively, my grandfather lived a longer life than average life span in Japan, still more strange if we worry about it. It was too correct to some extent, but too rude to some extent. At least, I agree with him.
To sum up, two died, but I have to celebrate them, and have to go back Yamaguchi right now, and I have new insights about what is death throughout my grandfather's one, but it seemed to be unforgivable for my parents, needless to say. You could understand because that's why I didn't try to refuse to go back there for a funeral.
Someday, if I say the same thing to my grandchild, then I can guess history repeats itself.
It is a good news, since I like history. ( although it cannot be one of history...! )
but, I wonder I remember it or not, until then....
OK, hey time, please stop, or speed up right now ! 2019 is already enough for me !